Because I am in love. With Warsan Shire.

"I am just a body begging anyone and anything to hold me, quick; while I am still soft to touch and easy to impress,
tell me that all this love I carry by default belongs to someone worthy.”

—	Warsan Shire

for women who are difficult to love (because, its not an easy place to be, being "difficult" to love)

 you are a horse running alone

 and he tries to tame you

 compares you to an impossible highway

 to a burning house

 says you are blinding him

 that he could never leave you

 forget you

 want anything but you

 you dizzy him, you are unbearable

 every woman before or after you

 is doused in your name

 you fill his mouth

 his teeth ache with memory of taste

 his body just a long shadow seeking yours

 but you are always too intense

 frightening in the way you want him

 unashamed and sacrificial

 he tells you that no man can live up to the one who

 lives in your head

 and you tried to change didn’t you?

 closed your mouth more

 tried to be softer

 prettier

 less volatile, less awake

 but even when sleeping you could feel

 him traveling away from you in his dreams

 so what did you want to do love

 split his head open?

 you can’t make homes out of human beings

 someone should have already told you that

 and if he wants to leave

 then let him leave

 you are terrifying

 and strange and beautiful

 something not everyone knows how to love.


words : @warsan_shire
warsanshire.tumblr.com/

#NP- Let the rain.

I wish I were pretty
I wish I were brave
If I owned this city
Then I'd make it behave

And if I were fearless
Then I'd speak my truth
And the world would hear this
That's what I wish I'd do, yeah

If my hands could hold them you'd see
I'd take all these secrets in me
And I'd move and mold them to be
Something I'd set free

I want to darken in the skies
Open the floodgates up
I want to change my mind
I want to be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight

I hold on to worry so tight
It's safe in here right next to my heart
Who now shouts at the top of her voice
Let me go, let me out, this is not my choice

And I always felt it before
That the world was filled with much more
Than the drowning soul I've learned to be
I just need the rain to remind me

I want to darken in the skies
Open the floodgates up
I want to change my mind
I want to be enough.
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight-
                                        Sara Bareilles.

Such is life. Huh.

C'est la vie.
That's all they told us. That, "Such is life", "that's life".
But no one dared tell us the whole truth. That most of time, it felt a lot like death. A lot of the time, life feels like death. Or, even worse.

C'est la vie.
If this is the way life is, I want to trade.

Also, I need a gin and gin. Scratch that, gin will do. No accompaniments.
Lets do this, Moe. Get drunk and forget. For a while anyway.

"The very thing you've been the most afraid of
You've been doing it from the start, breaking your own heart."

"Breaking your own heart."- Kelly Clarkson.

Blocked.

She believes he blocked her.
She never saw this one coming, but she believes he blocked her. She's been through the motions, the pain, the anger, self-pity, the emptiness.
She's been through all of that.

Sadness, when it comes, cannot be escaped. It must be faced. She was never going to be perfect. She was always going to cause him a bit of brain and mind ache.
And because she knew her weaknesses better than most, she was going to keep trying to become better. And when she failed, she'd make up for it with...an intensity that would make him forget.
That was her intention, anyway.

But this, she wasn't expecting. Because she was passionate about him-yes. Because she showed parts of herself she'd never shown to any other, because she hadn't been ready to let go, or be let go of... but because she thought he understood.

That she wanted freely-given love.
Truly-given and shared passion.
Laughter. Smiles. Skipped heartbeats.

And even if she missed him until sometimes, it hurt,
She finally understood that for him, she was just...well, not really important,

And she really thought he knew. That with all she felt, she was never going to beg. For attention. Love. His heart.
She felt too much sometimes, but she wanted to be wanted back.
And that, she would never force. Not even out of him.

So it shocked her that she'd been...shut out that way. Mostly, it hurt.
To think that he believed that she was that much without pride, that unless he blocked her, she'd be falling over his life.

But then again...maybe he just got tired. And blocking her was one more way for him to tell her that they were over.

"Let's re-arrange, I wish you were a stranger I could disengage..." - "Over my head"- The Fray.