Such is life. Huh.

C'est la vie.
That's all they told us. That, "Such is life", "that's life".
But no one dared tell us the whole truth. That most of time, it felt a lot like death. A lot of the time, life feels like death. Or, even worse.

C'est la vie.
If this is the way life is, I want to trade.

Also, I need a gin and gin. Scratch that, gin will do. No accompaniments.
Lets do this, Moe. Get drunk and forget. For a while anyway.

"The very thing you've been the most afraid of
You've been doing it from the start, breaking your own heart."

"Breaking your own heart."- Kelly Clarkson.

Blocked.

She believes he blocked her.
She never saw this one coming, but she believes he blocked her. She's been through the motions, the pain, the anger, self-pity, the emptiness.
She's been through all of that.

Sadness, when it comes, cannot be escaped. It must be faced. She was never going to be perfect. She was always going to cause him a bit of brain and mind ache.
And because she knew her weaknesses better than most, she was going to keep trying to become better. And when she failed, she'd make up for it with...an intensity that would make him forget.
That was her intention, anyway.

But this, she wasn't expecting. Because she was passionate about him-yes. Because she showed parts of herself she'd never shown to any other, because she hadn't been ready to let go, or be let go of... but because she thought he understood.

That she wanted freely-given love.
Truly-given and shared passion.
Laughter. Smiles. Skipped heartbeats.

And even if she missed him until sometimes, it hurt,
She finally understood that for him, she was just...well, not really important,

And she really thought he knew. That with all she felt, she was never going to beg. For attention. Love. His heart.
She felt too much sometimes, but she wanted to be wanted back.
And that, she would never force. Not even out of him.

So it shocked her that she'd been...shut out that way. Mostly, it hurt.
To think that he believed that she was that much without pride, that unless he blocked her, she'd be falling over his life.

But then again...maybe he just got tired. And blocking her was one more way for him to tell her that they were over.

"Let's re-arrange, I wish you were a stranger I could disengage..." - "Over my head"- The Fray.

Cut.

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile frame aged
With misery
And when our eyes meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut.

"Cut" by Plumb